The Grinch, The WHO, Red Meat and Cancer: A Holiday Poem

roast beast-red meat and cancer

WHO LINKS RED MEAT AND CANCER?

In October, twenty-two scientists from ten countries met at the International Agency for Research on Cancer (IARC) in Lyon, France, to evaluate the link between processed and red meat and cancer. The result was a highly-publicized press release by the World Health Organization (WHO) declaring processed meat as “carcinogenic to humans” and red meat as “probably carcinogenic to humans.”

I went over the WHO report with a fine tooth comb and can confidently reassure you that there is absolutely no proof that meat of any kind causes cancer in humans or animals. I will provide my complete analysis of the WHO report next month, but in the meantime, in the spirit of this joyous holiday season, I offer you a festive appetizer, if you will. A poem inspired by the beloved story “How the Grinch Stole Christmas” by the incomparable Dr. Seuss. And so, without further ado, I give you:

THE GRINCH, THE WHO, ROAST BEAST & YOU

  • Folks the world over liked red meat a lot
  • But the cancer committee in WHO-Ville did not.
  • “Those vouching for meat should be guilty of treason!”
  • (Please don’t ask why, no one quite knows the reason)
  • It may be the way that it’s processed or fried
  • Or the fact that it has so much iron inside
  • But I think that the most likely reason of all
  • May have been that WHO brains were two sizes too small
  • Staring down from their towers with judgemental frowns
  • At healthy meat-eaters below in their towns
  • Feasting on pork chops and luscious roast beast
  • (Roast beast is a feast WHO can’t stand in the least)
  • The WHO hated all meats–especially from cow
  • “We’ve got to stop red meat from coming, but how?”
  • Then they got an idea! An awful idea
  • The WHO got a wonderful, awful idea
  • “We know just what we’ll do!” the WHO snickered one day,
  • “We’ll shout meat causes cancer, and scare meat away!”
  • All we need is some data! The WHO looked around,
  • But good data is scarce, there was none to be found.
  • Did that stop the WHO? That did not trip them up
  • “We don’t need solid science, we’ll make some stuff up!”
  • They puzzled and puzzed till their puzzlers were sore
  • Then the WHO thought of something they thought we’d fall for
  • More than 800 studies they stuffed in a sack
  • “With numbers this big, they won’t dare to attack!”
  • But they based their conclusions on just twenty-nine
  • Fifteen of which showed that red meat was just fine!
  • But these studies weren’t studies at all, it turned out
  • They were basically guesses that weren’t tested out
  • They thought they could fool folks like you and like me
  • “Correlation’s causation!” WHO shouted with glee
  • Then three or four studies of rats they tossed in
  • (Rats pre-injected with carcinogen!!!)
  • They left out the ones showing red meat is good,
  • Hoping no one would notice (but you knew I would)
  • And three human studies they threw in there, too
  • But these studies were poorly designed (sad but true)
  • WHO dares condemn meat based on numbers so wee?
  • Three human studies—the audacity!
  • Maybe beef, pork and lamb are no cause for alarm
  • Maybe red meat, in fact, doesn’t cause any harm
  • It’s got protein and iron and vitamins too
  • The truth is that red meat is healthy for you!
  • This holiday season I hope you won’t fear
  • What the WHO said about meat—the facts are not there!
  • May you all enjoy time with your families and feast
  • On healthy whole foods and delicious roast beast:)
  • For more information about how the WHO
  • Tried to hoodwink good folks just like me and like you
  • You can read what’s behind all the hype and the fear
  • I’ve posted the details in blog form right here!
  • Read my complete analysis of the “evidence” behind the WHO report in this post: WHO Says Meat Causes Cancer?

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